Brain Wave #20: The Misconception Of Us

 Brain Wave #20: The Misconception Of Us

Well I got a few thigs to talk about, also beacuse I got drunk last night and I'm listening to SHINee as I'm writing this, which I know does not make sense to you, but it doesn't have to as long as it makes sense to me lmao. But you know me, I will forget some details as I'm writing...
Lately I've been pondering more on this concept of maturing, I know I mentioned it lots of times previously, bur I am about to bore you even more with it. You know, I talk about how as I'm growing up I'm realising more and more how I was like such a piece of shit when I was younger (let's try not to go too personal maybe) and with that I mean the values and responsibilities you get to learn, this being several things: finances, relationships, friendships, if you're old enough maybe you understand. But from time to time I always think, if I were ever able to go back in time and tell my younger self that I shouldn't be doing anything that goes against my values right now, not only younger me would tell me to go fuck myself, but it would be only then that I would actually realise that it is only by growing up an experiencing life that we get to maturate. You see, as stupid as I may sound, we are living life and it is crazy to me to think that the only way to understand how to live is by actually living. Also stupid sounding: the realisation that you actually learn when you learn that you learn from your mistakes, yes I know that I'm still not making any sense, still got a long way.
Sometimes I think about how I feel like I've already lived so much this far, to then realise that only now that I am starting to learn what life is about that I will actually start living life. I am indeed being very repetitive. Something that I unfortunately have only recently learnt is actually coming with terms with "stop caring about what others think of you" because for me personally coming to that point hasn't been an active exercise of listening to people's judgement and telling myself it doesn't matter, rather I feel like that in order to achieve you should just stop caring in general. That does sound like a very apathetic and probably unhealthy way to think, but let me explain: the way I got to jump to that conclusion is not to completely not care about anything in your life, but don't focus on so many insignificant things that are going on in your life. Me and so many other people do it, trust, practically everyone. I realised that other than family, friends, and knowledge (in my case) anything that is going in my life is so not important for how I will go on with years of my life; obviously I am not talking about going full monk-style life where you give up of all your material life, unless it works for you, but you know put your focus more on something that matters and will matter for the rest of your life, and maturing is also realising what those elements in your life are. I will sound very annoyed, but everyday of my life I see people stressing about so many unimportant things, of course I am not saying I'm perfect as every other human I will mistakes that contradict what I'm saying, but I just wanna say that I feel like there are other people out there who should've reached a level of maturity that they're definitely not showing. This whole transition of myself trying not to give a fuck overtime also kind of developed some sort of stoicism school of thought in my mind, more like a Kuhnian perspective on everyone's opinion as a paradigm, therefore not mattering anymore as my paradigm will never be 100% agreeing, jumping to the conclusion that I shouldn't even bother. It's not easy to explain I gotta admit, but I feel like it's a really effective way to deal with shit like this, and definitely learn something about life and maturing (reading philosophy, maybe that's the effective way...)
But if you think about it on a much deeper philosophical way, you probably get so lost that you feel like that anything in your life doesn't really matter, in my opinion not a healthy way to approach life, but y'know happens.

On a completely different (but similar for me) note, one thing related to my life that has quite prevalent in my head, which I thought I'd share otherwise y'know I wouldn't write it in a blog (gone full schizo) is how I've always kinda been "obsessed" with the past. With that I mean that, yeah I talk about how in life you should care about things that affect your future and how maturing and shit, but I don't really understand why but alongside me being a really nostalgic person in general, a lot of things that I am interested in tend to be quite old things (now depends on your definition of old). I cannot bring myself to listen to new music a lot of the times, now I'm just gonna use music as an example because it's basically the media I consume the most. But I got this sort of attraction almost to music from the 2000s and early 2010s, and even before by any means. What I'm trying to say is that even other than music I try to inform myself (knowledge fiend) about the late 90s and 00s as much as I can, as if I miss that period without even having lived at that time. I feel like if I was born ten years before I did I would've been able to fulfil this feeling of wanting to be part of that culture: learn how to use those times' computers even actually learning how to code and stuff, unlike right now, maybe write a blog (ahem), stay in my room listen to music from an iPod or something, it would've probably been pirated as I did as a child anyway, but yeah even if I lived in the same environment as I did but ten years before I would've been the same internet kid but the way I wish it right now. Some might find it loser type shit, but y'know it's shit that I personally feel is cool, the brainrot is still there but in a different form lmao, but yeah maybe if I was an early internet kid I probably would've actually had a personali- oh yeah we're not going personal. Again, am very aware that most likely most of this does not make any sense, but basically I want to have lived my adolescence back in the 00s and 10s, because I think it would've been really cool, most likely I would've end up in the same field I'm in right now, just much more nerdy.
I don't even know why I dream of such different temporal environment to have grown up in, but something just tells me that with the school of thought I have right now combined with the experiences I could've had from back then, maybe at this point there would be many other things I would understand better, which for now I can only tell you that I would know in ten years time or something lmao.

I've been staring at my screen for a good 10 minutes, I feel like I forgot something, but it's okay like this.

Good bai for now, poposwag.